You have to soften into it

From time to time I do/try/attempt/lay on the floor and cry for 90 minutes bikram, aka hot yoga, aka hell with 110% humidity.  With bodies pressed up against you.  And smells.  But I love it.  Well, hate it.  If you've ever gone you know exactly what I mean.  What I mean is it is mental exercise to the max before it even begins to get physical.  So I have this friend, we'll call her Lauren because, well, that's her name.  And she does bikram too and in a-not-so-distant-past conversation I had with her about life being hard, school being hard, being sick of it all, blah, blah, blah, lalala, she stopped me and said 'look, it's like bikram, you have to soften into it.'  Oh.  So that's how you do it.  We press up against these things and fight these things and try to bend these things to our will but maybe the key is to wait and soften to them.  And we're the ones that bend.  

Photo via sunmoonyoga.co.uk

So I'm trying to soften.  I'm trying to soften into law school and the feeling of being chronically frustrated interspersed with moments of sheer terror.  Of being challenged to the max with balance, time, caffeine intake and the fear of always failing at something: whether it's school, work, relationship, health.  And I'm trying to bend to the fact that everything I read/write/speak/think about these days is so literal and so factual, and just not very, well, spicy.  So this little spot on the web is meant for me to soften into so I don't become a hardened shell of a cynical law student.  And to find and share beautiful things.  And to write sentences that don't include the words theretofore, heretofore, forthwith...